“Where is Chaspicks??”

“What is the point of having the internet if Chaspicks isn’t even posting”

“Food has no flavor without Chaspicks, my old hobbies no longer interest me, and I haven’t smiled since he last posted.”

These are all very real things I’ve heard during my hiatus, and to the individuals behind those very real quotes, I’d like to announce my return. But enough about me! It’s time to give my picks at Quail Hollow this weekend. This is actually the longest course on the PGA Tour, so I will only be picking big, strong men who can smack the ball off the tee. The fairways are lined with trees and are pretty narrow, so I need the big, strong men I bet on to also be accurate off the tee. I dont really expect putting to be the difference in crowning a winner so unless you’re kurt kitayama levels of bad I wont really take it into account

Pookies

gotta get the pookies out of the way (my favorite golfers that I HAVE to bet on because if they won and I didn’t take them pre-tournament, I’d never forgive myself)

Akshay Bhatia +1500

Bob Mclyntyre +11000

Brian Harman +22000

Heavy Hitter

Xander Schauffele +2000

Am I picking Xander because he’s my favorite golfer on tour? Partially yes. But are there actual objective reasons to bet on him? Also yes. I find this to be a pretty good value spot for Xander as he hasn’t been great since coming back from injury, but is coming off T-11 at the Truist Championship, a T-18 at the RBC Heritage, and a T-8 at the masters, which is the most inspiring recent finish of his. A fully healthy Xander should be around +1100 to +1600, and I think he’s in better form than the odds indicate. In his last two appearances is at the Wells Fargo Championship (played at Quail Hollow) he’s finished runner up twice. I’ll take xander at 20/1 on a golf course he likes no matter the form hes currently in so this is a no brainer for me.

Middle Guy

Viktor Hovland +5000

I seem to just be betting on my favorite golfers, but I also like this spot. When in his best form, Hovland is dialed off the tee ( 13th in SG in 2024, and 8th in 2023), which is exactly what I’m looking for on this course. He has proven he can play well at Quail Hollow with a T3 finish in 2021. Betting on Hovland is always a rollercoaster and paying to ride!

Prop

Rickie Fowler to miss the cut +120

Hang em up unc!

Coming off his best finish all year last week in the Trust Championship and I anticipate him coming back down to earth this week. He ranks 130th in SG (ew!) and is especially bad in his approach shots this year. His weak old body won’t be able to hit too far off the tee, leaving him to rely on his irons, in which he is 118th in SG (ew again). I’ll take the plus money on unc to have the weekend off